How to win friends and influence people

Part four

Chapter one principle one

Begin with praise and honest appreciation

Listening to unpleasant things after listening to good points makes it easier to listen to those unpleasant things. This is why we should appreciate people at the beginning without offending them to make the change. “beginning with praise is like the dentist who begins his work with Novocain. The patient still gets a drilling, but the Novocain kills the pain,”Dale Carnegie.

Chapter two principle two

Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly

Most of the people respond directly to criticism. When we are trying to change the person without offending them, we can just change one three-letter word can be the solution. Don’t use the word ‘but’ in the critical statement that is the only thing that you need to do.

Chapter three principle three

Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person

Admitting that we also make mistakes make them feel less negative about the their mistakes. It makes them easier to listen to the mistakes after listening that the opponent has also made similar mistakes. “Admitting one’s own mistakes –  even when one hasn’t corrected them – can help convince somebody to change his behavior,” Dale Carnegie.

Chapter four principle four

Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.

No one will like to take other people’s order. So instead giving them opportunities to do things themselves, to make them learn on their own is a solution. Instead of using ‘Do this,’ we should more often say ‘you may consider this.’ “People are more likely to accept an order if they have had a part in the decision that caused the order to be issued,” Dale Carnegie.

Chapter five principle five

let the other person save face.

This principle is similar to the one from part three. When we disagree with someone, even if we are right and he is definitely wrong, we only destroy his ego by causing him to lose face.”I have no right to say or do anything that diminishes a man in his own eyes. What matters is not what I think of him, but what he thinks of himself. Hurting a man in this dignity is a crime,” Antoine.

Chapter six principle six

Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”

One of strongest abilities we have is to make others realize their potential. “Praise is like sunlight to the warm human spirit – we cannot flower and grow without it. And yet, while most of us are only too ready to apply to others the cold wind of criticism, we are somehow reluctant to give our fellow the warm praise of sunshine,” Jess Lair.

Chapter seven principle seven

Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to

Similar to appealing to people’s nobler motives, giving the other person a lofty reputation to live up to incites in them a desire to meet those expectations. “If you want to improve a person in a certain aspect, act as though that particular trait were already one of his of her outstanding characteristics,” Dale Carnegie.

Chapter eight principle eight

Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.

Be liberal with your encouragement, make the thing seem easy to do, let the other person know that you have faith in his ability to do it, that he has an undeveloped flair for it – and he will practice until the dawn comes in the window in order to excel.





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