How to win friends and influence people

Part Three

Chapter one, Principle one

The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it

There are situations where we argue with other ones, especially when we are sure that our claim is absolutely correct. Even if we are right, arguing does not solve its problem. It is proving that the other person is wrong and make them feel bad. Referring to Carnegie, it is impossible to win an argument. If we lose an argument, we lose. If we win the argument, we made the other person feel inferior and made his pride hurt. In other words, we still lost. “There is only one way under high heaven to get the best of an argument – and that is to avoid it,” Dale Carnegie.

Chapter two, Principle two

Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”

This chapter and principle is similar to the previous one. We should avoid telling someone that they are wrong. “If you are going to prove anything, don’t let anybody know it. Do it so subtly, so adroitly, that no one will feel you are doing it.” In other words, don’t let them know where you are taking them. Let them solve it themselves.

Chapter three, Principle three

If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.

Carnegie tells a short story about him and the police officer. One day he was warned not to walk the dog without a leash. For the next time he attached the leash on his dog, but the dog seems to dislike it. So the next time he let the dog to run free. When the dog ran to the police officer he knew that he will get in trouble. But instead of waiting for hte police officer to reprimanding him, he spoke up to him and explained his trails. The police officer responded in a soft tone that there is a hill where you can release the dog without anyone watching. “Any fool can try to defend his or her mistakes – and most fools do – but it raise one above the herd and gives one a feeling of nobility and exultation to admit one’s mistakes,” Dale Carnegie.

Chapter four, Principle four

Being in a friendly way.

When we are angry and frustrated at someone , we go to them with our temper flaring. How will the other person feel? Will it make it easy for them to agree with us? No, it is a huge no. The other person will feel negative on us. When they feel negative on us, we cannot win thier tou our way of thinking. We can’t force someone to agree with us, but we can lead them in that direction in that direction if we are gentle and friendly with them. “A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall,” Abraham Lincoln.

Chapter five, Principle five

Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately

When talking to people, we should make them agree to our points. And make it clear that we are both striving for the same result; different method, but same purpose. We need to keep the opponent from saying no. Instead we want the person to say yes as soon as possible. Socrates has become a very famous method. Asking person questions with which they have to agree.

Chapter six, Principle six

let the other person do a great deal of the talking.

Most of the people tries to talk more to make the person agree. Instead, let the other person talk themselves out. We also oftenly interrupt someone when we disagree with them. But the truth is, we shouldn’t do that. It is dangerous. They wouldn’t listen to our thoughts.”If you want enemies, excel your friends; but if you want friends, let your friends excel you,” La Rochefoucauld.

Chapter seven, Principle seven

Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.

Everyone cares more about the ideas that they brought up. No one likes to do what they are told what to do. We can use this as our advantage by leading them half way and then step back and making them solve the rest.

Chapter eight, Principle eight

Try honestly to see things from other person’s point of view.

This is one of the most important keys to success with human relations. People might be sometimes completely wrong, you might not be able to understand them. but try to understand them. In other words, don’t condemn them; try to understand them. “There is a reason why the other man thinks and acts as he does. Ferret out that reason –  and you have the key to his action, perhaps his personality,” Dale Carnigie.

Chapter nine, Principle nine

Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires

If there is a magical word to stop arguments, it would be, “I don’t blame you at all for feeling the way you do. If I were you, I would undoubtedly feel the same way.” The awesome point about this word is that this can be 100% sincere. And as Carnegie says that ” Three-fourths of the people you will ever meet are hungering and thirsting for sympathy. Give it to them, and they will love you.”

Chapter ten, Principle ten

Appeal to the nobler motives

Usually, people have two reasons for doing something. One that sounds good and the real one. The one that sounds good is the original and the ideal one. The real one is the customized idea that changed after reality. So by giving them thoughts closer to the ideal one we are most likely to get the other person to agree to their claim.

Chapter eleven, Principle eleven

Dramatize your ideas

To convince someone to our ideas it is not enough to state a truth. But else, we need to present the truth in a vivid, interesting dramatic way. For example, we get down on our knee when we propose. Why do we do that? The answer is to act out the dramatization. Thus, it is better to dramatize your ideas.

Chapter twelve, Principle twelve

Throw down a challenge

Most people have the desire to achieve. Everyone wants to outdo others and be the best. When nothing else works in winning people t0 you way of thinking, throw them a challenge. “The way to get things done is to stimulate competition. I do not mean in a sordid, money-getting way, but in the desire to excel,'” Charles Schwab.

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